Goron Adventures

Reached the Goron Island in Zelda: Phantom Hourglass.

NOSTALGIA BONER MUSIC. SHALL I SERENADE YOU WITH SARIA’S SONG? THE GORON’S LULLABY? SOME WRESTLING MAYBE? WRESTLING IS THE SONG OF THE BODY, YOU KNOW.

Doot doot deet doot doot wo wa woo woo wa

So I’m ambling along with a joyous expression..

Goron: If you lose your shield, you can pick up a new one at the store, outsider.

OH NO. THERE ARE LIKE-LIKES HERE, AREN’T THERE?

A little more cautiously roaming the island..

Goron: What we call our island’s Goron Amber is actually.. Oh! I really should not utter the secret!

OH GOD. IT’S THEIR SNOT, ISN’T IT? I’VE BEEN COLLECTING DRIED GORON NASAL FLUIDS THIS WHOLE TIME.

Goron: We eat wooden hearts-

I’M GOING TO DIE HERE. HELP ME, ZORAS.

Goron: Does your desire to become a Goron burn to your very core? Let me probe into the matter.. 

THEY’RE SETTING ME UP FOR A PORNO. GORON PORN. OH GOD. IT’S NOT JIZZ, IS IT? THE GORON AMBER?